Tell me about your early years and where you are from:

I come from a family of 5, my parents are immigrants from Uganda (in East Africa) and I have a fraternal twin brother and an older sister. I’m from Mays Landing in Southern New Jersey. It’s a town nestled between Atlantic City (part of that infamous Jersey Shore coastline) and Philadelphia. People always assume I’m from the West Coast/California but I’m pretty Jersey. When I’m very angry OR when you hear me using the Garden State Parkway to describe where I’m from and where I went to college, it becomes pretty apparent.

What do your parents mean to you?

EVERYTHING. FULL STOP. Like many immigrants, they started with very little when they first came to the U.S. They worked so hard to give my siblings and  I opportunities and never failed to give us perspective. They are brutally honest. I don’t think anyone in the world can compete. They don’t hold back and this has spilled into who I am in certain aspects of my life. For better or for worse. In Teyana Taylor’s words, “You are  the highlight of my life. You are the sunshine in my night. Oh how, oh how, oh, how do I ever repay you?!” They always say we owe them nothing but I spend a lot of time thinking about how best to repay them someday. They are very generous, they are kind, they are as real as they come. I don’t even think they understand the magnitude of their love and how much I truly love them. I love you BIG mom & dad!

Who understands you the best in your family? 

Dear Anne..oh sweet, Anne! The most dynamic human of the bunch - my mother. We are SO alike in SO many ways. She birthed herself, that’s for sure! We both have such high expectations. Go ahead and tell us we can’t do something - GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK. I REPEAT...GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!

Do you remember the first time you felt different or “other”? Walk me through that.

My earliest memory of feeling different or “other” was when I was walking home from elementary school. I was maybe 6 or 7 and a white, little girl/neighbor asked why my hair was so different from hers. She had gorgeous long hair that she often pulled back in a very long and neat braid. I remember going home and touching and pulling at my short, coarse hair. I became SO jealous of her. That was the beginning of a very complicated relationship. I then started putting shirts on my head to give myself “hair”. My older sister and I started doing this for an extended period of time. We had “hair” that touched our shoulders and it felt good to pretend that we had hair that had some “body” and movement.

Are you currently in a relationship? If so, tell me about your significant other and what you love most about them.

I am married to my boyfriend, Nick. We’re so different for a number of reasons but where I’m lacking, he makes up. I love the fact that he is an honest person but in the best way. He won’t do something he doesn’t believe in. He will walk away cold. That comes from his unwavering confidence that has always seemed to exist. Not sure what it takes to parent in a way that will ensure your kids have that much confidence but I can’t wait to see it unfold before my eyes when he becomes a father someday.

What do you value most in a friendship? What does friendship mean to you?

I put a lot of weight on my friendships. I love a good sense of humor and value empathy and unwavering support. There are “friends” who say they’ll support you and you very quickly realize that’s not the case. A friend who genuinely roots for me, is a friend for life. My friends are like sisters as I‘ve had a very complicated relationship with my own sister. I love her to death but there are various things that have kept us from understanding each other better and being closer to one another. We’re actively working on it though and I love her unconditionally!

I rely on my friends the way you would rely on family. In retrospect, being able to have deep friendships like this sort of feels like a privilege when I think about it in comparison to my parents. I don’t think my parents could say the same now but for most of my childhood, I took note of how much they really relied on one another. That was it.  They never really had the same friendships that I’ve fostered in my life which I think has something to do with being immigrants. They spent  a large chunk of time working to give us the best life possible. That was their sole focus for most of my childhood, leaving very little time to meet new people. In the last few years my dad has gotten really into cigars and has met a big group of friends through the cigar shop where he spends a lot of time as of late. He recently told me how happy he is to have this newfound crew...how happy he is to have friends again. After he told me this, I cried very happy tears that night, before I went to sleep.

Do you have a defining moment of your childhood that has shaped you into the person you are today? 

While growing up, I was made fun of, tormented and ridiculed. People from all different backgrounds made fun of my very dark skin color but I mainly got tortured by kids that were also Black. I never got a break. I was reminded of how “dark and ugly” I was. School assemblies were the worst - I hated winning awards and having to go on stage. There were so many times I wanted to leave class early in middle school and high school. This was an effort to quickly get to the next class and avoid being made fun of in the hallway. Because of these experiences, I vowed to be better to people. I’m obsessed with making people feel good. I’m not perfect, far from it, but I really love to see people smile and to know they feel comfortable around me. I cried and fake smiled for A LOT of years so I made  a promise to myself a long time ago that is centered around a Maya Angelou quote: “People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

What’s the title of your quarter-life biography?

The Only Way is Through would be the title. Through pain you will gain power; through sadness you will realize what it takes to be happy; through challenges you will know what it takes to see something through; through feeling you know what it means to truly live. I had to use a fairly recognizable quote to explain this - it was the only way! I had to experience a variety of things in order to get to this point where I can encourage other women to share their stories as well. If I didn’t go through some of the painful, uncomfortable and even positive experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Also, by now you should know, I really like quotes. Like really, really like quotes!

How old are you at heart?

I honestly think it depends on the day. I think sometimes I’m my actual age of 31 and other times I’m a hyperactive 12-year-old child LOL. All 12-year-old streaks come to an end because honey, it’s TIRING [that’s my 31-year-old self speaking!].

If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?

I know it’s hard but please try your best to live by the 5 x 5 rule. If it’s not going to matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Yes, of course!  BLACK LIVES DO INDEED MATTER.